


Weightless

by CherryLovesRainbows



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, Body Dysphoria, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, Im sorry for hurting Hyuckie, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Mainly NCT 127, Multi, NCT Dream - Freeform, NCT U is only mentioned, Same goes for the members, Self-Hatred, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-08-06 11:52:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16387274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryLovesRainbows/pseuds/CherryLovesRainbows
Summary: He used to never really worry about his size before, sneaking in snacks when on a diet and always up for ice cream. Now, whilst eying himself, he could see some fat on his tummy and his slightly sloppy arms. Thighs thicker that most of the other members. He shook his head, turned away from the mirror and said to himself, “I don’t care, I’m not fat”.Later that week, he came to conclusion that he did care....Also posted on Wattpad (CherryLovesRainbows) & AFF (Cherry_Exo)





	1. Shattered glass

He didn’t know how he came to this point, maybe it was the comments on ‘We Go Up’s music video or the comments on their Instagram posts. Donghyuck stood in front of the mirror looking at himself, well, checking his body out. He looked at his stomach, his tights and arms. He used to never really worry about his size before, sneaking in snacks when on a diet and always up for ice cream. Now, whilst eying himself, he could see some fat on his tummy and his slightly sloppy arms. Thighs thicker that most of the other members. He shook his head, turned away from the mirror and said to himself, “I don’t care, I’m not fat”.  

 

Later that week, he came to conclusion that he did care. Yesterday, NCT DREAM  finished their last promotions for ‘We Go Up’. To celebrate, SM organized a dinner for the Dreamies and their staff. Donghyuck had just taken his first bite when Jisung, the youngest, joked about how round Donghyuck’s cheeks had become during these past few weeks of promotion. Everyone laughed, but Donghyuck just looked Jisung in the eyes, a bit shocked. The laughing quieted down, and everyone continued eating and having small chats, though Donghyuck couldn’t quite enjoy the meal like everyone else seemed to do and didn’t really feel like talking as well.

They were halfway through the course when Donghyuck excused himself to the bathroom. He looked into the mirror above the sink. He checked out his cheeks and tucked onto them with his hand. They turned red and then back to his neutral skin color. Had he really been gaining wait since their comeback? He had dieted a lot before ‘We Go Up’ with the other members. During promotions he forgot about their strict eating rules and stuffed himself full of cookies if they had the time to eat something, though he also had days that lunch would get forgotten because of their busy schedule.

He stared just a bit more before returning to their table, he sat back down again between Jeno and Mark. “You alright?” Mark asked, and Donghyuck just nodded. He didn’t want to tell anyone that Jisung’s remark made him a bit uncomfortable. The food didn’t look as delicious as before, and he wasn’t as hungry anymore. But not to waste the food, he put just a few more noodles in his mouth.

 

Dinner was finished and the Dreamies had to return to their dorms. They were all settled in the car. Donghyuck was getting squished against the window by mark, who was regularly getting pushed by a playful Jaemin. He really wasn’t in the mood and carefully placed his earphones, sending Jaemin a death glare, so he would get a bit more space; he was getting nauseous from all the squishing. The music flows into his ears, he was listening to some ballads from a random playlist on Spotify, it eased him, and he soon fell asleep.

Once he opened his eyes, he was shaken awake by Mark. All the other members were already gone, because Mark and Donghyuck stayed at the NCT 127 dorm, and not the Dream one. “We are here.” Mark explained. Donghyuck stretched a bit before exiting the car, his muscles all stiff from sleeping. He wasn’t actually awake yet, when he stumbled out of the car almost falling. Luckily Mark was there to catch him. “Easy there.” He laughed. “Yea, yea.” Haechan said, laughing a bit as well.

When they got back to the dorm, it was about 8pm-ish. Most of the hyungs were stationed in their rooms, but Taeyong and Jaehyun were still in the kitchen, washing the last few plates and bowls; they were the ones that lost paper-rock-scissor. “Hi, how was dinner? What kind of delicious things did you all eat?” Taeyong smiled. “We ate so much! There was seafood and lots of meat.” Mark exclaimed. “Good, good. You guys deserved it.” Jaehyun gave them a wink. Both maknaes laughed. “Now, both of you, go take a shower, you smell like barbecue.” Taeyong ordered with, again, a smile visible on his lips. “Yes hyung.” Mark said.

Mark took Donghyuck’s arm and pulled him to the downstairs bathroom, “I’m taking the one upstairs.” He then ran away. He always took dips on the one upstairs, because it was a lot bigger than the one downstairs. Before Donghyuck could say anything in protest, Mark was already gone. _Sigh._ Donghyuck locked the door behind him, not that he wasn’t comfortable around his other members, but he just really wanted to be alone for a bit, without a hyung running into the bathroom to use the toilet; which happened quite a lot (XD).

He undressed himself and, yet again, looked into the mirror. He looked at himself, right into the eyes. He just looked so dull, and just as Jisung had said, his cheeks did look chubby. He probably had the chubbiest cheeks out of al the members. He took a few steps back, so he could see his stomach, he didn’t have any abs and he also wasn’t skinny. He could even hold the ‘fat’ in between his hands. Before he could start analyzing his whole body, he shook his head and turned on the shower.

There wasn’t a lot of warm water left, so the water was quite on the cool side; It made him shiver. He quickly washed his hair and body, and was finished in under 3 minutes. When he got out of the shower, he just felt really sad. He didn’t really know why he was so sad, he was hurt by the comment from Jisung, but he was never this self-aware. He just couldn’t shake the sad feeling off.

He  totally forgot to bring fresh clothes, or even better, his pajamas; that was truly Mark’s fault. He still shivered and felt even more self-aware because he had to walk in just a towel to his room. Luckily, the towel was big, so it wrapped around most of his body. One good thing about being short.

He shuffled out of the bathroom, hoping no one was in the living room. He didn’t see anyone and, almost, ran up the stairs to his room. He opened the door to see Jaehyun inside, he was laying on his bed playing some random game on his phone. He didn’t seem to notice Donghyuck entering, too occupied by the game, he also had earphones in, so that explains a lot.

He took some fresh pajamas from their shared closet and threw them on his bed. He contemplated about just undressing here or going back to the shower. He didn’t mind if Jaehyun saw him, he never did, but he was just so self-aware. In the end, he decided to just get in his pajamas here, Jaehyun was distracted anyways. Once he had them on, he hung up his towel and went to lay on his bed. He was so exhausted from this day, he just wanted to go to sleep. He whispered a “good night” to Jaehyun and wrapped himself in his covers. He closed his eyes, hoping sleep would take over soon. It did, but not for a very long time.

 

When he opened his eyes again, it was still dark out and when Donghyuck grabbed his phone off the bedside table to check the time, it read 3:00AM. _It was midnight._ He kept on turning for about half an hour, until he concluded that sleep wouldn’t come again, and left his bed behind to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. He made sure to tiptoe, to not awaken Jaehyun, and closed the door very slow, so it wouldn’t make a sound.

Donghyuck took one of the water bottles from the fridge and pored himself a glass, the cold liquid felt nice against his throat. The silence of the dorm felt weird, he was never awake at this hour, unless they practiced till late, but he was never up alone at this time. The sad feeling he felt before going to sleep returned, and oh, how he would die for a hug right now. But no way, that he would wake up one of his hyungs at this hour, they deserved getting a quality sleep. He would probably only annoy them.

Donghyuck stood there for about a few minutes when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, he let out a silent shriek and jumped. The glass that was sitting in his hand went flying, landing in a million pieces on the ground. _Why was he such a scaredy cat?_ He took a step back and looked around to look right into Jaehyun’s eyes. _Did he wake him up?_ “Wow, I didn’t mean to scare you that much.” Jaehyun said. “Eh I’m sorry, d-did I wake you up” Donghyuck could only say.

The glass should have made a lot of noise, because before Jaehyun could reply, they both could now see Johnny and Taeyong in the background as well; they were always light sleepers. “What is going on?” Taeyong asked, concern clearly noticeable in his voice. Jaehyun took it on him, “I accidently scared our maknae and so he dropped his glass, I’m sorry.” He said, “Btw, are you alright?” He turned back to Donghyuck who still had a very shocked expression on him, as far as you could see in the dark.

Taeyong turned on the light, to see the damage. Jaehyun, Taeyong and Johnny all showed pretty worried glances to their maknae’s feet, which made Donghyuck look down as well. He had practically stepped in the glass and could only feel the pain now; his eyes watered a bit, but tears didn’t fall. Johnny was the first to make a move, literally pulling Donghyuck up to get him out of the glass, but the damage had been done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I feel bad, because I'm going to hurt Hyuckie, please don't hate me ;-;


	2. Painful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The damage had been done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update, and it's very shitty, but for real I HAD to update. 
> 
> I'm sorry for my lack of absence, the last few months were really hard for me due to my mental state, but I'm feeling a tiny bit better now so I was able to write again <3
> 
> Thank you all so much for still wanting to read this shit story, Ily guys <3

The damage had been done, Donghyuck’s right foot sole became red and it hurt quite a bit. Johnny still had him lifted off the ground and small drops of blood fell to the ground, right through his sock. One tear that got build up in his eye, rolled down his cheek, but he didn’t cry. He got put on top of a chair and got surrounded by all three of his hyungs, they exchanged worried glances. “Jaehyun, could you clean up the glass for me? Be careful not to hurt yourself.” Johnny asked, Jaehyun nodded and went off to get a broom.

“Ok darling, I’m going to remove your socks.” Johnny pulled the left one off first, to inspect if this foot also got damaged, luckily it didn’t. Now it was the right one’s turn, that it just hurt was an understatement, it burned and Donghyuck had to bite his lip to not cry out right there and then. The removal of the sock must’ve caused some glass to get pulled out and more blood started to spill out; it wasn’t a lot of blood, but it still hurt. Before he could relax, Johnny magically pulled tweezers from somewhere (the man was always full of surprises) and started to pull out the glass that was still left in his feet. Taeyong offered Donghyuck a hand to hold and helped Johnny by shining his flashlight from his phone so he could see better.

Removing them wasn’t all that hard to Johnny, as he was finished in under 3 minutes, what an expert. It hurt a lot. The tears that were threating to fall finally escaped Donghyuck’s eyes, now rolling down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away, so no one else would see them. But, of course, Taeyong had seen them and pulled down his hands and said, “if it hurts, you should cry, it makes you feel better.” But Donghyuck did not cry again and bit his lip even harder so he could taste blood in his mouth, Taeyong gave him a glance full of sympathy

Johnny had run off and returned under a few seconds and came back with an EHBO-kit. He wrapped Donghyuck’s foot with a bandage, binding it tightly so no more blood could escape. “Shouldn’t we go to the hospital?” Taeyong asked to Johnny, you could hear the worry in his voice. “We have dance practice tomorrow, from 7am to 6pm.”

“Shouldn’t we ask Hyuckie?” Johnny then turned to Donghyuck. “Do you want to go to the hospital? To get it checked out? I don’t think you need stitches as it wasn’t that deep luckily.”

Donghyuck shook his head, he didn’t like hospitals, so that was an easy choice to make. “Ok Hyuckie, we should go back to bed then, let me see if Jaehyun is done cleaning.” Taeyong let go of his hand and made his way to Jaehyun who was now using a tin to wipe all the leftover pieces in. The leader was never really a person that was good at handling these situating, like comfort and such. Luckily Johnny was a dad figure and loved all the kids as if they were his own (XD).

“Do you think you can walk Hyuckie?” He asked.

“I think I can.” Donghyuck said, a bit unsure. His insecurity in his voice got confirmed when he tried to stand but immediately pulled his foot up and grimaced. “Alright I think it’s better if I help.” Johnny then said and put an arm under Donghyuck’s arm, practically holding his entire weight up. They walked back to Jaehyun and Haechan’s room, and Johnny put him on his bed, putting a pillow under his foot. “Good night Hyuckie, I hope you are able to sleep. You can always wake Jaehyun if you need someone, or me of course!” Johnny gave a kiss on Donghyuck’s head and headed out of the room.

It was once again quiet, Jaehyun hadn’t returned yet, who is probably still talking with Taeyong. Donghyuck felt heavy, it was his fault for letting the glass fall in a million pieces in the first place. The feeling of shame was surely present, but he also felt so disappointed in himself, with a foot full of cuts, wouldn’t he disturb dance practice tomorrow? No he couldn’t let that happen. He should just bear the pain. His foot was already stinging less, so that was a good sign, maybe it’ll be more bearable tomorrow. But he could probably never convince his hyungs, especially Taeyong, the leader would never give him a yes.

The door of the room opened. Donghyuck closed his eyes, he really wasn’t in the mood to talk anymore. He had already been the center of attention just now, he was tired and feeling so shameful. He caused such a scene. The others must feel frustrated as well, he ruined their sleep and rest. Donghyuck felt some tears in the corner of his eyes, but he really didn’t want to cry anymore.

Jaehyun was very silent and you almost couldn’t even hear him slip under his covers, he must’ve thought the younger one was already asleep, but he wasn’t yet, he was awake fighting against the tears which were slowly starting to drop out of the corners  of his eyes. He really didn’t want to cry that night, but in the end, he silently cried himself to sleep.

 

The next day came and Donghyuck wanted to get rid of his foot, it burned sharply and felt uncomfortable, he just wanted it gone. It was 6:00AM and you could smell breakfast being prepared, Doyoung would always get up at 5:30 to cook. (he is an angel)

Donghyuck sat up in the bed. The pillow that was under his foot previously was now laying somewhere on the floor. He could see Jaehyun getting up as well, his hair going everywhere. He had dark bags under his eyes, which were most likely due to last night.

“Good morning Hyuckie, how are you feeling? How is your foot” Jaehyun yawned while asking, but still, the worry in his voice could be heard.

Donghyuck decided to lie.

“I’m fine hyung, just a bit tired. My foot doesn’t really hurt anymore.” He smiled.

“Really? It was bleeding a lot yesterday” He gaped. “And wow, now that I look at your face, your eyes have the same features as a panda. Did you even get any sleep?” Jaehyun exclaimed, smirking a bit.

“You should look at yourself hyung.”.

“But seriously, are you alright?” The older one asked again, this time a bit more serious.

“I’m reallyyyy fine hyung.” Donghyuck said in a slow tone, giving his hyung another smile.

“If you say so, don’t feel reluctant to ask for any help when it starts hurting more!” Jaehyun smiled back, encouraging the younger. 

“I will hyung.” With that, Jaehyun made his way out of the room, probably going to the bathroom or something. Donghyuck silently cursed to himself when he moved his foot closer to his eyesight, it hurt so much.

Biting back his tears, he unwound the bandage from it and took a look at his bruised foot. It looked horrendous, cuts everywhere. They still looked red, as they were fresh. He quickly put the bandage back on, not as skilled as Johnny, but at least it was covered. He didn’t want to look at it anymore.

He swung his legs to the left side of the bed, it wouldn’t hurt that bad to stand up, would it? Surprisingly it felt less painful than expected, maybe he would be able to dance today after all, especially when he put more weight on his other foot. Donghyuck half limped towards the door of his room, when he made his way to the kitchen he tried not to limp as much as he did before.

The smell of freshly baked eggs and toast made its way to Donghyuck nose, Doyoung’s cooking never disappointed. When he arrived at the big kitchen table, he was met with half NCT127 already seated and enjoying their breakfast. Taeyong looked at him with worried eyes, so Donghyuck gave him a small smile to signal he was feeling ok. He made his way to his chair, walking as normal as possible and took place. “Good morning hyungs!” He then said as bright as possible. He heard a few good morning’s back and some inaudible mumbles.

“Here, I made your egg with ham, your favorite.” Doyoung smiled at him whilst giving him a plate with two toast slices and a perfectly made egg.

“Thank you hyungie!” Donghyuck smiled back.

It became silent again after that, everyone busy with their phones or just too tired to talk, only a few good mornings could be heard when the last few members joined breakfast. Donghyuck could still feel Taeyong staring at him. Donghyuck just looked down at his plate, the feeling of shame creeping up again. The leader’s stare made him feel awkward.

Finally, the leader broke the silence.

“How are you feeling Donghyuckie?”

Donghyuck coughed, slightly choking on the piece of bread in his mouth. “I’m feeling alright hyung, it doesn’t really hurt anymore.” He lied, again. All eyes were on him now, he felt so uncomfortable. He looked back down at his plate again.

“Even if you feel better, I still think you should rest. I’m giving you a free day okay? You should rest as much as possible. I already discussed it with management.” Taeyong stated.

These words broke Donghyuck’s heart, he felt like such a disappointment. He was disturbing the other members for not participating in practice, their comeback with Regular was coming up soon and they had to practice the dance as much as possible. Many more of these negative thoughts surrounded his brain as every member left the dorm, until he was left alone, in an empty dorm.


End file.
